BUT WHAT IF I DON'T GET ANY "LIKES"??????

I want to blog. But I don't. I want to post on Facebook... but I don't. I have the weirdest feelings toward social media and the internet right now. So many people have extreme opinions (sometimes I think its only to feel 'above' the lowly social media users), and I've honestly wanted to avoid many things that I see on social media... especially Facebook. It's not what it used to be. Now all I see are narcissistic attempts to prove self-worth for one reason or another, or it's use as a platform to feel powerful/important or involved. It used to be a fun place, like a blog, to share tidbits of life that close friends and family might like to keep up with. Now it's a crutch... and a drug.

Blah blah... so dark, Ashley! That's not 100% true!! No, it's not. And I chose to write something tonight, not because I want to just show a side of my life that projects a false sunshine-y "everything is A-okay!" disposition, but because I thought of something that I wanted to say that feels and is real. Tonight, with the knowledge that I could sleep in for the first time in ages, I stayed up doing the useless "stay-up" things. Eventually I found myself on the "relationship page" between Nick and myself, trying to see how far back I could trace things (we met as Freshmen in 2007). As I scrolled through photos from the past 3 years together as adults, I found myself frozen, staring at our photos from our first year back together and in New York. We both looked fresh, young, vibrant, and full of life. This acknowledgement is not to depress my current self (and the differences I see), but as someone who has always battled with low self-confidence, I remember feeling anxiety and sometimes a little fear at actually sharing the photos I shared back then... now, I think they are sweet and fun! I was always thinking, "oh my hair is this," or "I'm wearing stupid clothes," "Sal will think I'm ____." or "I look ____." WHATEVER. Now these bits are precious memories, and damn it if Facebook hasn't made a beautiful little memory lane for me! Okay so here is a little moral of the story: Don't shy away from living life, documenting, making memories, etc. because of insecurities. You are beautiful and vibrant and exactly where you're supposed to be. One day you'll look back at this memory and smile, and if you're afraid of the internet creepers, don't post, do a limited profile, or defriend. Great! End of blog post! I said something positive with a punch line and closure!

YAY! BEACH PIC!! XOXOXO ...I remember this. This was my first time back out & feeling like a 20-something after being hospitalized with Salmonella. I was afraid to do much... I'd been pumped with so many antibiotics and was anemic.

Nope. This is significant to me because I am stuck in this terrible funkitude of funks. This whole thing stuck out to me because it reminded me of the beauty within struggle. Between those brilliant memories are E.R. visits, deaths, crappy jobs, conflicts of all sorts, lost friendships, shaken dreams, utter confusion, and a whole heap of metrocards and bank statements. I saw a status post where I was like "la la la it's Valentines Day and I have a LONG day teaching 2 classes because it's my JOB and Nick's across town serving, but can't wait for dinner!" -Total paraphrase, I worded it better 2.5 years ago. Tonight, I couldn't believe that used to be my reality. Now I look at us (as NEW YORKERS), and Nick's working 9-5, and we're juggling gathering puppy poops while my day tends to look something like today: 5 AM wake up, 5:30 walk to train, 7 AM Spin class - Shower - 9:30-4 Williams-Sonoma, 5:30 PM Spin class, 7:30-10:30 PM Yoga work-study cleaning the studio, and lots of metrocard swipes in between. I've finally arrived! At what? The New Yorker / American status of filling my week to the max-capacity? I just finished my 11th day in a row working like that, and let me tell ya, I miss the days when I was more concerned about getting more spin classes. But then again, I don't. It's all about growth and moving forward, people! I don't know exactly where forward is from here, but I have some pretty good ideas. I'm ready to get rollin'...

So I'm going to end this somewhere weird. Because life isn't perfect... and neither is this silly blog.

How Yoga is Saving My Life (Part 1)

This past fall, I injured myself pretty badly. It was really lame the way I did it, too. I was demonstrating a dance move I've done plenty of times before, and my hamstring pulled. I was off the bike and out of commission for about a month. I knew exactly why it happened; I'd felt the tightness coming on from spin overload, but I hadn't thought enough of it to take preventative action. I was too caught up in my spin schedule (I had more classes than I knew what to do with).

This humbling & painful experience has been possibly my biggest guru of the year. I cut down my spin schedule, learning to say "no" to the things that weren't serving my soul well. Hearing of my injury, the wonderful fitness colleagues in my life provided lots of pointers & advice--many things I knew and have known-- Primarily: VARIETY. Sometimes you have to learn the same lesson over and over the hard way. So during my month of zero exercise and extreme pain, I plotted, dreamed and planned for my recovery AND prevention. My biggest key for success: yoga.

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A part of me feared I would fail and make excuses to skip class (as I'd been doing for a while), but I got to know some yoga teachers at my studio, and have made a wonderful friend who happens to have a class schedule that matches mine. I now have a standing date to take her class when I'm at LIM, and I LOVE it! I've been steadily going for 6 weeks now, and my body is feeling absolutely yummy! After class, my whole self, in and out, feels warm, fuzzy, and like I just gave myself a long hug. The first few weeks, I would feel pains & tightness in different areas, not always my hamstring, but I vowed to make peace with my body and let it work through the neglect on its way to health. The biggest lesson here for me so far is that the journey never ends: there's always more to learn, discover, & uncover in all things, especially when it comes to health and my body.

I feel so many things to be improved upon (always), and am far from the flexibility I had post-college, but it's exciting to me now, instead of daunting or frustrating. I'm thrilled to experience myself transforming into a new me: it isn't post-college me, or mid-injury me, or any other version but a brand new one for today. We are living, breathing beings, and we're always changing. What works is always changing. I'm learning to listen and observe more, instead of trying to push my own ideas of what is right or good onto myself. I'm learning to be patient and kind with myself and my body. It's an ongoing process, but the intent is very present in my heart, which I believe is most important for perseverance. I titled this post "Part 1" because, you guessed it, this journey is ever-changing and ongoing. Stay tuned for future installments, and...

Namaste.


♥AshPiece 
Follow @AshPiece

2014: Awaken & Explore

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Over the past few years, I've abandoned and revisited this blog many times, but it has always been there, a little hum of something I really wanted to do, in the back of my head. In 2014, it is a part of my plan and focus for the new year. For me, 2014 is about awakening. My goal is to re-awaken my true self and be present. I want to be 100% present in as many moments as possible, small or otherwise, starting NOW. I don't want to miss anything while dreaming of the future or getting lost in the past. I'm living today for today!

Another piece to this exciting year of awakening is adventure. I want to explore. Everything. This city, art, faith, books, health, fit classes, certifications, gear, nutrition, music, maybe some TRAVEL, absolutely everything. Nothing is off-limits!

So this is the start: of something.. and everything. I plan to explore my journey here, and insecurity is a thing of the past, baby! Here's to saying YES when I want to, and NO when I want to! Peace out 2013, it's been real.... 2014, let's do this!


♥AshPiece 
Follow @AshPiece